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2019年は捨て身で闘った一年でした、かね。 [ホーチミンライフ!]

気づいたらもう12月なので、ふと今年を振り返ってみました。


まあしかし、今年は戦ったよな。


今も戦いの最中ですが。


今年の漢字を自分的に決めるとすると、「闘」だろうか「戦」だろうか「抗」だろうか。





この記事とかにもあるけど、特にベトナム人と働いていると、何か言っても、その場をやりすごし、そのうちこちらがあきらめて何も言わなくなればそれでOKみたいなケースがわりと多く、こちらはもううんざりしてあきらめがちだったんだけど、それもストレスがたまるのよね。


結局、戦っても、我慢してもストレスがたまるんだったら、戦ったほうがいい。

そのほうが前向き。

物事を動かせる、変えられる希望がその先にはあるわけだから。

あきらめてしまって、黙っても、何も変わらないだけ。


もう、2,3回であきらめないで、しつこく言い続けること。

それは学んだかな。

その場で感情的になっていってるだけではなく、こいつマジだ、というのも伝わるしね。


あとは、これは東南アジア人と関わってきて、今年がけっこう集大成的に結論が出たこととして、東南アジアで私が最も学んだ貴重なことがあって、それが今年ずどんと腹に落ちた気がする。


この4,5年、東南アジアと関わり始めて、本当にその日暮らしの、イケメンでもなく、お金もなく、スキルもなく、みたいな人が、まあやりたい放題やって、人生を謳歌して楽しんでいるわけで、人生の正解はこちらなのでは?と思ったことは何度もあるけど、そういう色々を含めて最終的にさ、「根拠のない自信」というか、「自分の権利を主張する力」とうかさ、愛を叫ぶ力、好きなこと、欲しいもの、やりたいことを主張する力、嫌なことを拒否する力、自身の存在を主張する権利ね。


それはずどんと今年学んだ。

なんて厚顔無恥でわがままなんだー!というよりも、この人は地に足ついてて自分の人生にコミットしてるな、という風に感じたんだな。

覚悟が決まってるなと。

まあノマド生活を経て、地に足をつけて自分の人生にコミットすることの大切さ、それが浮き草人生になりつつある自分が今欲している、必要なものだと感じてはいたけども、それがすごく具体的に今年は学ばされた。


マイノリティだからと遠慮しない力、みたいなものでもあるな。


もちろんマイノリティの権利を叫ぶばかりじゃ嫌われちゃうから、みんなの役に立ったり、かわいがられたり、面白がられたり、好かれたりすることも必要だけど。



どんなときも どんなときも 僕が僕らしくあるために
「好きなものは好き!」と言えるきもち 抱きしめてたい


っていうさ、まあマッキー的なところだよね、基本的に。

好きだけど結婚したいというあれじゃない、とか。

好きなことは仕事じゃなくて趣味のほうがいい、とか。


それはそれで本当のきもちなのかもしれないけど、けっきょくどこか言い訳じみているというか、腹が決まってない感じがあるじゃん。

好きだから結婚してくださいとか。

好きだから仕事にするとか。

やっぱり腹が決まっている。

そこにかける覚悟がある。

それはやっぱり尊いことで、そこ一本にかけることは今の時代リスクのようにも思えるけど、だからこそ生き様がぶれてなくて本気が伝わってくる。



あと自分を犠牲にしない、遠慮しない力って大事と思うわ。
もちろん、そのぶん、目標のためには努力をしないといけないけどねー!
そこ頑張っても先に何もないよな?っていうことに関しては、戦うこと、逃げることも重要。
戦って勝ち目がない時は、戦って深手を負ってしまうよりは、さっさと逃げて、場を変えることも重要。
なされるがまま、支配されて犠牲になるのが一番まずい。
まあね、戦うのを、もっとゲームみたいに楽しめたらいいんだろうな。
またはもっとスマートに戦えたらいいのかな。
負けは、消耗してしまうこと。
勝ちは、消耗するのではなく、学びを得ること、楽しい時間を送ることだと思う。
まあとはいえ本気でぶつかれば、一時的には負けて消耗する時間もあるけど、最終的には学びを得るし、楽しい人生の思い出になることは、あるっちゃあった。
タイにいるときに、本気でぶつかりあえるタイ人がいたか?というとそうでもないことを考えると、
ベトナム人の同僚とは、かなり本気でぶつかりながら、助け合ったり、けんかしたりしながら、やっている。
それはいい経験かもしれないな。
自分の人生に残されている時間は長くないのだから、無駄なことには使ってられない!
欲しいものを得るために、有効だと思われることに対して全方位的に頑張ることだ。
そして頑張るって何?といえば、全力でPDCAをまわすことなんだよな。
考える、やってみる、やり方変えてみる、ほかの方法試してみる、みたいなこと。
ただ考えてるだけでもダメ、ただただひたすら押してみるだけ、みたいなのもダメ。
でもそういうことを冷静に楽しんでやるには、やっぱり心の余裕がないとなわけでして。
常に心の余裕を保つ技術というのも、心の余裕がなくなるような詐取を拒む強さ、戦う心構えありきな気がするわ。

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by StevenPaf (2021-10-16 11:54) 

Roberthep



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by Roberthep (2021-10-25 03:28) 

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